- Moose Thompson has been experimenting with gravity and claims that having a body weight exceeding 400 lbs gives him a gravitational pull. Moose says that on level ground with no wind, he can attract styrafoam balls. There are no witnesses to corroborate that story but many of Moose’s friends have seen an extra large pizza sucked into the vortex.
- Stinky Peterson is attempting to break the Guinness Record for longest nap. However nobody knows when that will happen as Stinky neglected to tell anyone when he fell asleep. Now onlookers are afraid to wake him in case he hasn’t broken the record yet. Stinky’s wife is unconcerned and has decided to let him go another week.
- Red is doing a mini-tour in five US East Coast states this November – all decided by fan votes. Red will be coming to Vermont, Maine, Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Maryland. Details to be announced shortly.
- The Port Asbestos Statue Company has completed their latest project and is inviting the public to come in and see ‘the largest bust in the tri-county area.’
- Our local newspaper, The Daily Movement has printed a clarification to an ad that ran last week for Mary Lou Sanderson. The ad should have specified that Ms. Sanderson is seeking stud services for her brood mare, rather than just saying she’s looking for stud services. Mary Lou says the response has been overwhelming and that if the calls don’t stop, she’ll begin naming the men who’ve applied. Including Reverend Thornton.
- Due to the dry forest conditions, the organizers of the Possum Lake June Pig Roast and Quilt-Off will be holding the closing ceremony fireworks display inside Flinty McClintock’s hay barn. They said they’d prefer to do it outdoors but ‘it’s just too dangerous.’
- Last month of school. Time to think about summer holidays and fun. See you all right here June 30th. Meanwhile keep your stick on the ice.
Red Green, lodge leader.